My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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