Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
