Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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