birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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