How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
false alarm. still invincible.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
