yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
