You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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