I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
