Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
