so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
