those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
