she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
