did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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