It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
