Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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