I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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