she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
