you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
