Kiss
Puke
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
