I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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