Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
