tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
