I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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