Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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