you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
