Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
