Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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