She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
