The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
