I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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