How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
