omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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