Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
