my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
