Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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