Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
