I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
