quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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