I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
