wrigley field is MILF paradise
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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