I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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