she looked like the bat from fern gully.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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