We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
