God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
