Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
