I wish I could teleport
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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