if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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