My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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