They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
