I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
