Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
