hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
