I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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