You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
