I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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