i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
