she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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