if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
